SoulFix

As our souls acquaint themselves with one another I learn your body, you learn mine stories untold and stories unfold over late night conversations careful steps no sudden relations empty promises and wishful thinking where love lies and silence cries The Phase ran its course then our story ended and the rest was history

I moved to The United States of America, also known as “the land of the free”, December 2016 — almost 7 years ago. I didn’t have a choice or much knowledge in me moving here and I definitely was not briefed on America which I think would’ve helped tremendously or at least soften the blow. I was mentally checked out the first two years that I was living here and more preoccupied with adapting and acclimating to a new country, dealing with family issues, and relearning myself than to be bothered with politics in a country I can’t vote in yet. Still, I was very involved with organizations at school as a distraction and an escape. I also had very little friends which meant few conversations with opposing views. I started to make friends and open up more, inconveniently, around the time COVID-19 was at its peak in 2020. Just around that same time I graduated high school in June and started college later that same month. George Floyd also passed that year which created a domino effect of glo

Whispering to the universe to come at you with everything it has Life never misses the opportunity to paint one of two pictures: “you are 1 of the strongest soldiers destined for greatness and you can overcome anything” as if our ego needed any more stroking “you 2 will be an example of what it’s like to reap what you sow and know that a man’s fall is inevitable” as if our pride needed any more poking Legs betray you and your mind forsake you body numb with nothing to appease helpless and on your knees wondering why this is happening to you and you’re told one of two things: “1day everything will make sense and you’ll see the bigger picture but until then, guard your heart and love yourself” confusing resiliency with militancy Because that’s what you’ll have to be to withstand the harsh lessons of the universe “2morrow doesn’t matter because the beauty of life is in the present” spiritually woke with our minds asleep  trapping us in a mental frenzy — a game of positivity and phenomenon

What I write about is oftentimes an accurate reflection of what I’m feeling internally or experiencing existentially. It helps me understand myself better and helps me check in with myself. Sometimes external factors are a catalyst to my thoughts on my own experiences so it’s important to me that I remove myself occasionally to reassess my true feelings about something. I’ve learned to limit my tendency to “express myself” to others, even if it’s just for perspective. Sometimes their perspective can inadvertently alter my own. I have to learn how to trust myself again, especially when I feel myself regressing or feeling triggered. Part of this made me think of the conversations I’ve had on how I view healing in love and thoughts on romantic relationships.  There’s so much beauty and growth in solitude and existing in the confines of your own mind and energy. There’s also truth and fulfillment in company and in the arms and eyes of another, friend or lover. How you respond and react to

For the longest I have had the privilege to gain and access information on a variation of things; life, love, God, religion, earthly and heavenly things. This past year I have had countless revelations that sort of connected dots I did not even know had a disconnect. The disconnect came from my will and desire to do what I want and His will and desire for what I need. I had such a perverted vision on life and love, especially love. That disconnect danced between the love I had for friends, lovers, and family. Love for school, this earthly world and all that comes with, and of course, my love for Him. I had all these random information, some of value and none the next, but I did not know what to do with it. Something as simple as me understanding the concept of people and my interactions with them. The circulating notion that we owe people nothing yet I also have the understanding that God is love and he is an understanding God of whom we are an extension of. Knowing this, we must try t

l ife like water infused with grace so much so you could bathe in  after the world’s cold embrace six of one, and half a dozen the other a world no more good  than it is to a brother with each day you face  become one with life, still with life  and with a steady pace before and after all your strife remember, give yourself grace  let love fuel the life you live  the one you deserve  let love fuel the life you live  the one you’ll create

I’ve been feeling ambivalent for quite some time Unsure of what’s causing this emotional upheaval  Using the smallest most inconsequential situations to explain my uneasiness  Desperately trying to fit the wrong puzzle piece in the right place It wasn’t right and I was still unsure  Far from the home I knew and struggling to find a home within I hadn’t realized that I was mourning the loss of my country and culture  I didn’t realize I was mourning the loss of who I was memories of my childhood escapes me my youthfulness slipping through my fingers the taste of my dialect losing flavor I was trying to be in two places at once Keeping up with news back home Learning the dynamics of my new home Clinging to the tongue I knew, the language I spoke while trying to learn AAVE and playing catch up I was an imposter, an immigrant, an encamped nomad a home within and a home without  “you’ve changed” from friends I’ve known my entire life “you’re so different” from friends I hoped to gain Of cour