The American Dream

I moved to The United States of America, also known as “the land of the free”, around 7-10 years ago. I didn’t have a choice or much knowledge in me moving here and I definitely was not briefed on America which I think would’ve helped tremendously or at least soften the blow. I was mentally checked out the first two years that I was living here and more preoccupied with adapting and acclimating to a new country, dealing with family issues, and relearning myself than to be bothered with politics in a country I can’t vote in yet. Still, I was very involved with organizations at school as a distraction and an escape. I also had very little friends which meant few conversations with opposing views. I started to make friends and open up more, inconveniently, around the time COVID-19 was at its peak in 2020. Just around that same time I graduated high school in June and started college later that same month. George Floyd also passed that year which created a domino effect of global movements about various things, much of which I have a lot of opinions on (now) but I’ll reserve that for later.

There were so many stark differences between America and Jamaica that I was very interested in. For starters, the schools I went to or knew about didn’t start their days with a morning devotion, they didn’t say prayer before lunch, and most students didn’t even believe in God. Not because of a different religion but because they just didn’t. That should’ve been my first indication that something was wrong here. I realized I was depressed in 2016 back home but became even more depressed living here which was such a conundrum for me. Besides me having to literally start my life over from scratch in a new country, just me, my mom, and two sisters, there were so many other factors as to why I became so anxious and depressed. I just couldn’t understand why and I probably just didn’t have the language for it at the time. 

Another difference was that all the students had phones at school and in class which wasn’t an issue for me because I saw it as an opportunity and a good thing considering what I was used to. I found out about Quizlet and Google docs and now I hardly study anything or write in a notebook. Fourteen year old me wouldn’t believe that which is so funny to me. Back home we literally had to sneak our phones into school or class and if we were caught with it, then it would be confiscated. Granted I went to a very strict high school and we were expected to abide by the (many) rules and regulations that ensured a sense of structure and stability. It was a system that worked. When you’re in school, focus on school. Now, I think mainstream media has all but rotted students’ minds and made them sensitive yet robotic in how they operate and live their lives. I’ve seen this seeping into Jamaican culture as well which will have to be an entirely separate piece to express my deepest thoughts on this issue passively plaguing the country.

One difference that was incredibly obvious to me was that the students here didn’t respect the American flag. They didn’t stand for the national anthem and they didn’t even respect the President. In Jamaica we don’t have a President or states but we do have a Prime Minister and parishes so I would say it’s not too far off. However, there’s not a singular student that could simply sit out prayer and devotion time (unless they were of a different religion), let alone not stand for the national anthem for ANY reason. It’s unheard of and you’d be condemned in more ways than one for disrespecting our country and our flag in such way. I remember we used to stand very still with our arms at our sides reciting the words of our national anthem with such reverence and pride you could feel it emanating from the perfectly lined students outside in the sun. Not because we were scared or forced but out of love — we even recited it at the theater just at the start of any and every movie.

Scilicet, I had to understand and figure out how this was possible or even plausible. How did anyone not say anything or reprimand these students? Then I realized that, whether Black or White or Hispanic, they either took a political stance, had personal issues or biases, or simply didn’t feel like standing for less than two minutes. Embarrassingly, I have to admit that I started to sit out on the national anthem too because I felt like that’s just what I was supposed to do. Especially if I wanted to stand for what’s “right”. Even though I didn’t ask or educate myself on what, if anything, was “wrong.” Looking back on this, I was a part of a real life social experiment that if a group of people repeatedly do something then soon enough, everyone else will. 

It wasn’t directly said but it was implied or rather expected of me, that as a black person in America we are being oppressed and unjustly treated by racist and privileged people through systemic racism, so I must defend black people and support them regardless of the context. As someone who has always been outspoken and enjoy advocacy, that was undoubtedly something worth fighting for and taking a stance on. The landslide messaging was basically that it’s black/minorities against the big bad white people. Specifically republicans and especially conservatives. That if they were of such party and they were white then they are racist and white supremacists, and if you were black in this situation then you are a coon or a sellout.

Before I knew it, I was robotically and subconsciously opposed to (some) white people especially if they were racist. I was now somehow a part of this movement and oppressed group. Even though my only experiences of oppression came from living in Jamaica and no one in my family, that I was close to at least, have been oppressed in this country. I was repeating buzzwords like “blm” “all lives matter when black lives matter” “systemic racism” “all white people are racist” as well as pitching in on illiterate cultural conversations like going 50/50 or why men should be more feminine and women more masculine. Maybe that was just my ignorance and ineptitude in subscribing to something without any research or independent thought. I knew more (surface level) information about this “oppressive system” than I did about economics or politics or English. I didn’t even know the pledge of allegiance or national anthem verbatim, ironically. I was subscribing to preconceived notions, getting my news from mainstream media like many of us still do today. I learned to hate America before I was taught to love it. I stopped asking questions and started walking on eggshells not speaking my mind in fear of being politically incorrect. I betrayed myself in doing this and I was conforming to ideals that went against my faith and moral values. 

Since moving here, I’ve graduated high school and now the first to go to college in my family and soon, the first to graduate. I’ve acquired so much knowledge and accolades for various things in and outside of school, not because of my race but my merit and hard work. College brought so many new experiences (good and bad) which essentially brought me closer to God. This is where I had a paradigm shift. I realized how many inconsistencies there were in people, the college town I currently live in, the education system, mainstream media, politics, and just life in general. That there was a lot of hate, manipulation, deceit, racism, fear mongering, race hustling, ignorance dressed up as being woke, bullying and belittling, while at the same time such incredible entitlement, privilege, and sensitivity. I’m not a saint but there are so many morally questionable things and people that I’ve met or observed who knowingly do and say certain things that will hurt or offend, but they do it anyway. There was no system, no structure, no core values, no respect for self and one another, no love for this country, and especially little to no love for God — unless it was transactional, of course.

Though I can’t vote, I stay politically informed and well versed in politics. I don’t like being mocked and I don’t like when people insult my intelligence, and so I stay sharp edged. When you’re unsure about what you stand for and who you are then you’ll go for anything. When you’re not held accountable and taught to work hard for what you want then you’ll go around expecting a handout or pity after you tell your sob story that’s quite literally not unique to any of us. You start to drift when you don’t understand your purpose in life. When you don’t have a strong family structure or fulfilling relationships with those around you. As we all know, idle hands are the devil’s playground and so many kids these days are idle. They’re idled and entitled with a system that —now— encourages and incentivizes them, equipping them with the tools to maintain this lifestyle. Newer buzzwords to repeat and ideologies to believe. America is the devil’s playground. A playground with so many nonsensical rules like being forced to agree with mass narratives and if you don’t then you’re politically incorrect and you’ll be persecuted for an opinion whether or not it aligns with your religion or core values. Rules that tells you to play victim in any situation (especially if it doesn’t warrant it), to keep cancel culture alive, and to stay WOKE.

I felt cheated and insulted once I started learning the truths to so many things I was told or taught in the little time I’ve lived here. Before I was in covenant with God, even though I was still Christian, I subscribed to the idea that abortion was right on the basis that women —people— should have the right to dictate what they can and can’t do with their own bodies. And so, I applauded the people who were pro choice. Though I still think that people should have free will, I have a biased opinion that now makes me pro life. That’s besides the point. I think the mainstream media did a wonderful job at alluding to the fact that abortion is banned period. Not that it was 6 weeks and then it being illegal afterwards but that it was banned by old white conservative men. That people won’t have any rights soon and for some, we’re on the brink of going back to Jim Crow laws. All that while conveniently not mentioning how and why abortion came to be which was to essentially limit the expansion of black lives for generations. Strategically titling articles a certain way to incite violence and fear and hate is sad and simply wrong. But once you plant the seed of fear and doubt in people’s minds, they are easier to control. More susceptible to being controlled and helping to push select narratives that fits the political agenda at the time. Perhaps some people sincerely believe that there shouldn’t be a limit on how long you should be allowed to abort a fetus/baby. If that’s the case then that’s just where we are at an impasse because of ideological beliefs. Still, my issue isn’t with that. It’s with the constant misinformation being spread and the strategic chaos that ensues almost on a routine basis.

For instance, the death of George Floyd was devastating and to that I give my condolences. The cop, Derek Chauvin, was arrested and condemned as well. However, since we live in a fear and race based society, a white male cop killed a (another) black man. This almost, if not, onset an entire revolution that has set us back for years. George Floyd was now made out to be a hero with a statue built in his honor. Innocent black male victim, George Floyd, who served eight jail terms on numerous charges prior to his death had a statue built in his honor for doing nothing but dying. “Damn that white racist for perpetuating racism in America by killing a black man and damn anyone who disagrees that it wasn’t racially motivated.” This is the epitome of insanity.

*12/16

There are now updates on the cause of Floyd’s death and it is said to have been an overdose since he died with drugs in his system. Chauvin was recently stabbed 22 times in prison following this update.*

Now this isn’t me bashing a black man or speaking ill of the dead, this is me pointing out facts. Facts that goes to show how easily manipulated people are and how dangerously manipulative the media is. So many impressionable and innocent kids died, were injured, or got arrested in the wake of these black lives matter protests. An organization that almost every business, school, and individual supported in and outside the U.S. An organization that later turned out to be a scam. Ran by race hustlers who wanted to keep black people (or anyone else dumb enough to believe the media with little to no research, like myself prior to now) ignorant and mentally enslaved. Constantly inflaming situations to get people riled up or divided, and pulling the race card in every situation to absolve themselves of accountability. Now more than ever we have black people saying things like “I don’t have to explain myself because I’m black” “you can’t argue my point if you’re not black” “I’m automatically right because I’m black” “I have ptsd from slavery” and the list goes on. 

Now, I’m left to believe that some of these people or rather new age activists never wanted to end racism at all but to flip the script and get revenge or some type of social/political gain. Revenge on people who never started slavery by people who never experienced slavery. Though subjective, people who are also perpetuating their own oppression and allowing themselves to be mentally enslaved all while depending on the same flawed system to make life somewhat fair by leveling a hypothetical playing field. This is the real racism at large. Everything’s suddenly about race and it’s such a dangerous predicament to be in as an American. This entire country is consumed with race talk as if that’s the biggest issue in America — it’s not.

I’m saying all this, not to slander black people because I know I will probably be called a coon, ignorant, ___phobic, anti-something, or a sell out, but I want to encourage each other to ask more questions and to educate ourselves. Why didn’t they market the unfortunate truth to the Black Lives Matter organization and movement just as much as they did with planting the seed in people’s minds? Businesses and influential people profited from this movement and many lost their lives and businesses because of it. It deserves to be talked about. The death of George Floyd kickstarted worldwide movements and somehow he happens to be this innocent and heroic black man without fault that deserves praise. A known and convicted criminal prior to his passing, who former Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi thanks “for sacrificing your life for justice” and that because of him, his name “will always be synonymous with justice.” You could argue that she didn’t know about his record which would be unfortunate that someone of that caliber wasn’t briefed on who she was advocating for. You could also argue that it doesn’t matter his criminal history because he died at the hands of a white man but then that’s wrongfully accrediting someone for things they didn’t do, wasn’t qualified for, or meritoriously just didn’t deserve the recognition simply because they died from something tragic. It’s almost as if I could die tomorrow and automatically I should be thanked for my service as Prime Minister of Jamaica. That wasn’t a reach, I just wanted to emphasize just how ridiculous this entire thing is. Hold people accountable in both life and death. 

We’ve had so many great leaders who died that deserves this type of attention and respect but they aren’t highlighted and they probably won’t be. Why? Because it doesn’t fit the agenda and it doesn’t fund pockets. If there isn’t anything that incites fear, violence, divisiveness, and hate, then there’s no reason to give it any mainstream coverage. Why are we blindly following people and movements without any additional information? Why are we okay with being passive and subservient to a culture or mindset that’s killing us? Why are we so fixed in our own way of thinking that we can’t even have intellectual conversations that opposes the other? Why does everything have to be about race in this country? Why is there so much resistance to what’s good and what’s God?

Well, I’m not a doctor, but here’s my diagnosis on America; this country is under a spiritual attack. We’re devoid of love and understanding and compassion. I visited Israel in June and though America is not experiencing nearly as much as what the people of Israel are living through, I think one thing can be said; “Everyone wants to be understood but no one is being understanding. Everyone’s hearing each other but no one is listening.” This country is sick because of its heart posture, and as a young black woman and an immigrant in America, this is what I’ve concluded in my 6 years of living here. I never said I had a solution, unfortunately not yet, but right now I think we all need to reassess our ways and change our outlook on life. Take into account the great privilege it is to live in this country and the reality of what it would be like to live in another. To hold ourselves and our friends accountable and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. The easy fix to America’s illness is tough love and some new prescription glasses.