SoulFix

  Righteous Indignation. What is it really? I’ve heard it a few times from theologians and everyday people but I don’t see much of it anymore. I did a quick search on the internet and majority, if not all, have a negative connotation of what it means. Pema Chodron says “it’s very dangerous — the finger of righteous indignation pointing at someone who is identified as bad or wrong” as though that’s not the point of being spiritually angered on God’s behalf. Righteous indignation is essentially the internal discomfort when we see or hear someone insulting Christ or the gospel. It’s the inexplicable anger I get when I read about or watch illustrations of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. It’s a feeling of displeasure when we see wrongdoing or sin. An anger that’s in alignment with God's moral standards for us, directed at things and people that contradict His will and commands. Yes, indeed, righteous indignation is very dangerous and so we do it with great convicti...

There’s something to be said about people who  have yet to receive Christ as our Lord and Savior Not especially, but specifically, men who remain separate from Him and for whatever seemingly valid reason Perhaps they just haven’t gotten around to it yet or they know deep in their soul as Ruach Elohim hums ever so quietly there always guiding us, leading us everlastingly Or maybe they struggle with authority and humility Lukewarm, like you and me whatever it is, on the opposite lies pride and ego A false sense of self and misplaced hope  in one’s ability and lack thereof I have a cyclical struggle  understanding man’s apprehension  because how else will you live righteously? how else will this relationship stay afloat if not Christocentrically? Aren’t we all just fools in love then? Loving creation and rejecting its creator attributing all to what’s His but not Him As one religious beggar and sinner to another I think I’d know where to find redemption and bread I sham...

Call You Tomorrow - Montell Fish The lasting guilt that comes with outgrowing people is something we hardly talk about. This includes family, our parents and siblings. You’re at a point in time where you now know where the trauma and hurt truly stems from. Knowing who you now need to detach yourself from. To merely see notifications from them and your instinctual thought be a subtle plea for them to leave you alone. Sure enough, you don’t want them dead or gone, or to even be alone. Just in desperate need of a little silence.  I think I’m going insane, slowly but surely, I’m losing my mind. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting better but I could also just be manic. Then the ultimate crash comes and I’m reminded of the reality of my situation. It’s all wrong and I don’t think it’s going how it’s supposed to. I’m blanking. I don’t know what to do anymore than to just… be. Even then I find it hard to exist. I’m exhausted and my mind is burnt out from working double shifts. I think my tim...

As I walk back and forth to my classes, with a heavy heart and sad eyes. Most of the time I'm on the verge of crying and sometimes I’ve just finished crying and forcing myself to not reflect that. I can’t help but wonder how many of us do the same exact thing… I’ve realized that we’re all just lost souls wandering around with the world on our shoulders. Worrying about the burdens of our past, discomfort of the present, and anxiousness of our future.  Three times in one day I was told that I walk around campus in an aloof way. As if my body is here in its physical state but my mind miles away. I laughed in response because sadly it’s true. I feel disconnected in so many ways. I feel misunderstood, by family, friends… myself. I struggle with one too many issues and illnesses. And though I know the cause of some, I don’t even know where to start with the rest.  Some self medicate, others through legal ways and therapy, then there’s some of us that cling to our trauma. I get attac...

Her mind was a puzzle piece within a maze and her heart was in one of the many crevices of that maze. She thought she was broken in more ways than one and it was a constant struggle for her to piece herself together after being repeatedly broken by herself and others. She gave her heart so willingly to anyone which would eventually be the cause of her demise. Here she is, a few years and a handful of experiences later, a new person on a new path. She is desperate for change, hates a routine but longs for stability. And craves the love she reads and writes about. She is a paradox within itself. Since I began writing 5 years ago, I’ve always typed or written in third person’s perspective. It forced me to remove myself from the situation and narrate my life from a bird’s eye view. It helped me conceptualize what I was feeling. Understanding the ambivalent feelings I had on a constant and endless loop.  Posting my work online didn’t necessarily phase me because I was detached from the ...

I stand before you naked wide eyed with open arms  I am at birth as I am now there I was pure and innocent here I am broken and bruised I come before you in your presence  with all my sins and insecurities my deepest desires and shallowest thoughts I beg for forgiveness  and with no fuss, I am forgiven I beg for strength, guidance, and protection  and with no debrief or deposit you offer me your son I am at birth as I am now  guided and protected, divinely and rightfully so Forgive me for I have sinned like no other Forgive me for I have lived double lives Rid me of the guilt and shame That’s attached to my name Cleanse my soul and purify me whole I no longer wish to hate  or be consumed by anger Offer me to others  as a loophole vessel of reciprocity  an embodiment of light and love Forgive me for I harbor anger and resentment Subconsciously tallying the pain over the years But as I sit here in deafening silence  Staring into the empty abyss...